First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
