I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
