I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
