the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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