Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
