The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
