She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
