Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
love makes seman taste better
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
