How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
