her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
