i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
