I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
