the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
