so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
