Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
