Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize