I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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