everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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