Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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