Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
