I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
