I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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