She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
