Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
