you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
