it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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