God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
