the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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