Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
