Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
