Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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