she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
