are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
