In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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