He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
