she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
