Those balls look pretty dangerous.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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