Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
