Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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