At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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