You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
