he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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