Tell her she can't have a vagina
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
