I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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