I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
