I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
