if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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