I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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