Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
