Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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